present

When you're a kid you want to grow up. When Peter was little he wanted to be a watermelon and a tiger. I honestly can't remember what I wanted to be. But something. I wanted to grow up so I could eat sweet cereal whenever I wanted.

And now I'm growing up and for some time I've wondered why I wanted this. Why did I want to enter the cares of life? Why not stay young and blissfully uninnocent?

But I've gotten to that stage again, where I want to move on, out of a dorm, into my own meals, my own schedule, my own life.

But why?

Why can't I learn to be content? Why this constant state of restlessness?

In Goethe's Faust, contentment is shamed and yearning for more is encouraged. But is there a virtue to being satisfied, to appreciating the here and now?

I went to bed smiling last night

and it didn't make sense.

It was 2 in the a.m., and I had just barely studied for two hard tests I have later on today. I had had a crazy busy hectic day at work, I hadn't done anything productive all day, and instead of trying to fill 2 more hours with possible productivity, I filled it with cover bands.

So it didn't make sense that I should be smiling as I fell asleep, thinking to myself, satisfied, "That was a good day."

But I did.

Why?

I was happy. Happy because I was thinking about the awesome future I know God has for me somewhere. Happy because I am so grateful to him for friends who build me up and encourage me. Happy because it was in the 50s outside. and just Happy because I wanted to be happy.

Does that make sense? I don't think so. But I don't think it needs to.

Connoisseur,

as defined by the Oxford American Dictionary, refers to "an expert judge in matters of taste."

Lately, I've been realizing that too often, I, and others around me, have become spiritual connoisseurs. We judge church services based on whether or not the worship style is to our liking, whether the worship pastor is hip enough, never minding the hearts of those leading. We zone out on speakers who aren't vivacious, who don't entertain us, not stopping to think about the prayer and effort put into the sermon.

"Man looks on the outward appearance, but Yahweh looks on the heart," says 1 Samuel 16:7.  What are we concerned with? How flashy and cool our love for God can be? Or whether our hearts are right with him?

Stop being a taste-tester of doctrines, of denominations, of convictions. Find God's heart, and he will lead you to the true Living Water.

not my favorite Wednesday.

That was yesterday - staying up until 3:20, potentially getting up only 4 hours later, a huge project, homework due, 2 tests and a quiz. Looking toward the Wednesday, I was not pleased and rather stressed.

But then, writing a letter to my mom in Astronomy class last night, I realized that I had made it through the day unscathed. All of the things I thought were going to squash me actually turned out to be all right.

Interesting how my perspective on this changed how I felt about it entirely. In the span of 24 hours, I was feeling completely different about this Wednesday.

Hm. Just for thinking.