present

When you're a kid you want to grow up. When Peter was little he wanted to be a watermelon and a tiger. I honestly can't remember what I wanted to be. But something. I wanted to grow up so I could eat sweet cereal whenever I wanted.

And now I'm growing up and for some time I've wondered why I wanted this. Why did I want to enter the cares of life? Why not stay young and blissfully uninnocent?

But I've gotten to that stage again, where I want to move on, out of a dorm, into my own meals, my own schedule, my own life.

But why?

Why can't I learn to be content? Why this constant state of restlessness?

In Goethe's Faust, contentment is shamed and yearning for more is encouraged. But is there a virtue to being satisfied, to appreciating the here and now?

LIVE THIS.

Acts 4:32-35

Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.

jpusa.org

you know what?

All people are just people, you know.
They're like me, you, Aunt Sue, your neighbor, your favorite cousin, your best friend, your pa.
They don't bite, usually.

People are narcissistic, you know.
Once you let them go they'll talk of coffee, bad business, family, economy, dogs, cats, the weather.
And even if they smile politely and pull away, you know they want to divulge the things they like best about themselves.

I am always watching, you know.
Not in the creepy way that line suggested, not the stalker on facebook or outside your bedroom window.
But when I look at people, I am interested, I want to know.

But I am just too reticent, you know.
I know that once I crack the shell and put it in the pan I'll have a sizzling fried egg with salt and pepper and cheese on top.
But I just can't bring myself to break the egg.

Why am I so inhibited? Do you know?
If people are just people, and they want to talk about themselves, and I want to hear their narcissism, then why don't I do anything?
What's stopping me?

a short epistle

Dear Father Time,

I believe you have taken several days that were mine. I would like them back.

Sincerely,

Hannah Chupp's Sophomore Spring Semester

Happy.

I'm so happy. I can't help it.

Part of it's opening windows and welcoming the weather, inexpressibly happy, full of adrenaline, unable to listen to songs with minor chords in them.

Part of it's having tea with Jessie Riley for two hours on the deck behind Randall, turning clouds into unicorns, enjoying PG Tipps and the sun shining on my back, exchanging book and movie suggestions, relishing life.

Part of it's squishing 8 people in a Ford Taurus and getting pizza at midnight.

Part of it's reading Faust whilst walking around campus barefoot, balancing on the curb, wearing a skirt, being told I looked poetic, hearing "Jai Ho" streaming out of a Swallow window.

Part of it's marveling how a simple cup from Goodwill can look when the sun hits it just so.


It's friends. It's experience. It's life.

and I love it.

On The Cognitive Development and Sin Nature of Preoperational Children

WARNING! This post shall be slightly esoteric and highfalutin.

You see, in Life Span lately we have been talking about 4-6 year olds. And how they think. And how their brains work. And I have been thinking (which is generally a good thing). But sometimes it seems as though the field of psychology is bent on removing all trace of a sin nature.

For example, today we were talking about how these kids "prefer personal desires over facts", or in non psychospeech, lie. According to this idea, when Mom asks Little Kid, "Did you eat the chocolate cake?" and Little Kid says, "No", Little Kid is not lying. Little Kid may not be trying to hide the fact that s/he ate the chocolate cake, but just saying in her/his own way, "I ate the cake, but I wish I didn't."

Is that too much leeway? Are we giving kids too much room for error? What happened to the innate sin nature?

There are numerous examples of this in psychology, and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. The ability to say "no" is apparently a cognitive achievement, and yet I've always seen it as a demonstration of the sinful will. What is it?

Yeah, I don't know.

God talked to me in church today...

(surprising, eh?)

The passage was 2 Timothy 1:7-14, and Darren was talking about the calling of God on our lives. Darren kept mentioning how following God's call is not an easy thing to do, but once God has called you, it's like there is absolutely nothing else you can do. He compared it to being in love with someone and saying not "I can live with them" but "I can't live without them".

I started thanking God for the call he's given me, for how excited I am to do something, go someplace, to Ireland, to Rwanda, to Russia, to Guatemala, to India. But then God asked me, "Are you willing to serve me when it's boring? Are you willing to not go somewhere exotic? What if I tell you to live in the States?"

And my heart sank.

And I didn't know what to say.

I went to bed smiling last night

and it didn't make sense.

It was 2 in the a.m., and I had just barely studied for two hard tests I have later on today. I had had a crazy busy hectic day at work, I hadn't done anything productive all day, and instead of trying to fill 2 more hours with possible productivity, I filled it with cover bands.

So it didn't make sense that I should be smiling as I fell asleep, thinking to myself, satisfied, "That was a good day."

But I did.

Why?

I was happy. Happy because I was thinking about the awesome future I know God has for me somewhere. Happy because I am so grateful to him for friends who build me up and encourage me. Happy because it was in the 50s outside. and just Happy because I wanted to be happy.

Does that make sense? I don't think so. But I don't think it needs to.

a day of nonexistant time

I want a day of nonexistant time,
a day where I can press pause,
a day where
nothing's due,
nothing's pressing,
where I can just
be.

But if that day existed,
I couldn't rest,
I wouldn't pause,
I would have
to work,
to rush,
to finish
something.

So I guess there would be no gain
in pausing for a day ...
... but I would still like to try it.